BitCandy's Top Hype Fails‏ of 2012!

12/14/12

The end of the year is nigh...so BitCandy's Top Hype Fails‏ of 2012 is in ORDER! Although we take it on ourselves to bring you the BEST indie, electro and alt pop every week, we also see it as our mission to bring you the WORST. As if we wasn't here to cut the sonic crap down to size, tell us, who would?! Not the rest of the blogosphere...those bros are far too busy serving music fans like YOU maximum HYPE for maximum FAILS.

Below, we have compiled together (who we believe to be) the 14 FATTEST hype fail POSERS of the year. Remember, this list is reserved for those albums/artists that the press pumped TO THE MAX with pure hype...so truly horrible albums/artists with zero hype to boot will not be on this list (maybe another day, Paul Oakenfold).

Our #1 Top Hype Fail is at the bottom of the list.  (and it starts with the letter "H").

Let the bitching...COMMENCE!  And click through each to read the full review.  If you doubt me on the POSER list...let's get into it at the bottom of this post.  Have you listened to one of these albums lately?  I thought so...

 

Flying Lotus – Until the Quiet Comes – Rating: 3.8

If this is so great...why do I keep reaching for my mouse to go to the next track? It's like that friend in high school who is a physics genius but instead decides to just work at Burger King. It's frustrating because I had higher expectations (read more...).

 

Bat For Lashes – The Haunted Man – Rating: 4.3

The album cover will thrill you more than than what’s inside. No, that is not Vilma from Scooby-Doo, it’s Khan with chopped tresses and yes, she’s nekid, and yes that is what seems to be a nekid man she’s carrying who most likely fell asleep listening to her album. I’m sure he’ll wake up wondering the same thing I am: what the fuck happened?! (read more...).

 

David Byrne & St. Vincent – Love This Giant – Rating: 2.7

You see, most chicks would show a little leg or titty to get David Byrne's attention. But instead it seems Annie Clark ditched that sexy little black dress for a ream composition paper and transpositions for all the brass and string uber sophistication that was brought to the cool party. Do we care? No. Will it blend? Well, unless you have a "Blend Master" the answer here is a big bbbzzzzrrrrr clccrrrk clrk clllllk (smoke comes out of blender) (read more...).

 

Yeasayer – Fragrant World – Rating: 4.7

My high school science teacher was the kind of person who thought that just because her class was difficult, that made it good. This line of thinking has always driven me crazy, not because things that are difficult can't be good, but because the two are far from synonomous. If you're the type of person who finds density enjoyable, then this is probably an album for you. It's not that it is necessarily bad music, it's just underwhelming (read more...).

 

Avicii

Okay...so...we couldn't take a shit on an album...as the bro never released one...but Avicii was still a HUGE hype fail this 2012, so we are including him in this list anyway (EAT IT!). No new hits past "Levels" led to a tour downsize, but the press are STILL fapping their load over this lame-ass knob-twiddler. Who's the rock star here? Avicii's press agent!

 

Passion Pit – Gossamer – Rating: 3.4

Passion Pit? Yeah...More like Music Pit. On Passion Pit's new album, Gossamer, they prove worthy of having "Pit" in their band name. In other words the band falls into the category of indie pop releases this year that could have been easily called "12 songs, 3 worth hearing." It's not that it's bad. That's not the point. It's good plus. But no one cares about good or good plus. Well, I don't. Do you? (read more...).

 

Beach House – Bloom – Rating: 3

I am not a dreamy indie pop fan. This is the first Beach House album I’ve ever listened to all the way through AND of my own accord. (I once had a co-worker who would try to force Beach House on me.) Well, guess what... Still doesn’t do it for me. The songs? They like kind of all sound the same? Guys? Is anyone with me here? (read more...).

 

Ariel Pink – Mature Themes – Rating: 2.8

I've been waiting and hoping that Ariel might evolve into the David Bowie of our time. This was my "fingers crossed L.A. dream." Yet it seems that dream is fading, just like another pretty girl getting off the bus in Hollywood from the midwest hoping for my dreams to come true. But instead we're doing couch auditions in Van Nuys (read more...).

 

Nelly Furtado – Spirit Indestructible – Rating: 1.2

You say Fur-tod-oh and I say Fur-tay-doh...let's call the whole thing off. Exactly. Well you have to be like 80 something years old when that song was a hit. But no matter...what matters here is it's over for Nelly Furtado. That's right...spoken just like Colonel Troutman... it's over Johnny...It's OVER (read more...).

 

Cat Power – Sun – Rating: 2.2

I'm really sorry Chan...but I have to give your album a 2.2 (for the 2 - and change - fully good songs), and if I can give a negative rating for your new hair style I would. I mean...why do women get to a certain age and decide they have to cut off their sexy femininity? This is the type of album that...if it was a debut by an unknown artist...it wouldn't get a 2nd look off the street (except if Cat Power still had long hair, then maybe at least a meeting) (read more...).

 

Fiona Apple – The Idler Wheel... - Rating: 3.3

Oh...shit. Where to start. First of all, since we gave this album a 3.3 you can probably tell that we thought the "apple" fell kinda rotten from the tree. But the good news is Ms. Fiona's album (whose album title is too annoyingly long for me to repeat) is a nice backdrop for me to rant a little on esoteric indie music. So....will you keep an open mind for a moment and let me proceed? OK...thanks (read more...).

 

Madonna – MDNA – Rating: 4.8

You know there's that saying that "you are born an infant" and as you get real old, you "die an infant." In other words the analogy is not being able to take care of yourself, having to wear diapers, making intelligent decisions, etc. Is this starting to sound like...Madonna. Ohh...what's that I hear from the Madonna "blind finds no matter what she does"...."but she's an Icon!?" No, it's more like an "Icant” (read more...).

 

Azealia Banks – 1991 – Rating: 5.5

I've never been a huge fan of female rappers. This is partially because I'm a raging sexist, but also because they all seem to be one-dimensional and trying just a bit too hard to prove they belong. When I first heard "212" by Azealia Banks, I thought all that had changed. I then heard her single "Jumanji" and I thought about calling my mother because I thought I had finally found the right girl for me. And then the 1991 EP happened (read more...).

BONUS HYPE: "Luxury" - Azealia Banks Drops a Deuce.

 

Haim – Forever EP – Rating: CBA

We hated Ham...sorry...Haim's Forever EP so, so HARD, we didn't even bother to review it! Why waste all those precious pixels on stinking, fly-ridden piece of CRAP? As despite what the rest of the blogosphere may tell you...this trio SUCK SUCK SUCK (...probably the balls of the blogger bros writing on them...).  We tell you why, here!

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Ah, that felt GOOD! Posers: OFFICIALLY DESTROYED! Leave your hate mail in the comment box below. But believe it or not, we are not COMPLETE asses here at BitCandy (hehehe). We love A LOT of stuff. You can find out about our FAVORITE indie, electro and alt pop by clickity clicking on these lovely blue links!

Indie - http://www.bitcandy.com/bits/weekly-new-indie
Electro - http://www.bitcandy.com/bits/top-dance-songs
Alt pop - http://www.bitcandy.com/bits/weekly-popkiller

 

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