Random Access Memories = RAM = Rammed up Yur Ass

6/3/13
3.5ARTIST INFO

Daft Punk who captured a piece of my tiny heart has climbed all the way up to #1 on the Billboard album charts, Spotify, blah blah, and yadda bo da yadda. It’s ridiculous to think that the the French duo who once had me gasping for air because their shit was sooo good (i.e. Homework and Discovery) now has me rolling on the floor gasping for air because their shit is sooo stanky. What a waste of good oxygen. Fellow frenchmen Justice must be laughing their ass off.

daft suck

 

But listen, before you all come at me with pitchforks and machetes, I want you all to know that I truly appreciate artists taking a leap of faith and experimenting with new sounds and it’s safe to say that Daft Punk is good at setting benchmarks in dance music. However, Random Access Memories is a pile of shit. They should have put a caution label on it saying: This is an album for the hard of hearing. Or, an album for the easily amused. Yes, they deserve to be given the Biggest Poser Of the Year award. The robots have gone to the retirement home which is the equivalent to the trash compactor in Star Wars.

I have stopped caring

I have no idea why the bionic ambassadors of EDM or anyone for that matter would INTENTIONALLY put out an album that SUCKS. Not only am I emotionally pissed off, I am offended that they would blatantly admit that their album was supposed to be shitty. Puh-leeze. ERROR ERROR -Da Phuck, Daft Punk?! You French robots have a weird and twisted sense of humor. Oh wait, I get it, I’m suppose to think it sucks because I’m a pretentious snob with good musical taste, therefore society has labeled me as an obstinate hipster.

 

Daft Cluck - Chicken Tonight (Doin It Right Cover)

Ha! Well wrong, Random Access Memories sucks because it’s the musical equivalent of Indiana Jones 4 (and that’s not really saying much). *Cough, cough* What a painful snoozebomb. Listening to #RAM was one of the most unpleasant experiences I’ve ever had to sit through. I mean come on, anyone who knows anything about music and has been following Daft Punk throughout their career knows this album is a joke.

EXPECTATIONS:

listened to RAM

Yes, that picture above is how I imagined the album to be like. When I first saw the fifteen second ad on Saturday Night Live I got a bit wet and I NEVER get wet. But I am one of the many disappointed fans that quickly realized it was nothing more than another stupid hype. I was expecting this album to be mind blowing, just like their previous albums. I remember exactly where I was when I heard Discovery. I was floored. It was an experience that took you on a journey. It paved the way for music in 2k. The best track on Random Access Memories wouldn't even equal the worst track on that album.

REALITY:

reality

- Two minutes into the album: Where's the Escape button? (not in a good way) CNTRL ALT DELETE. How does ‘Give Life Back To Music’ translate to forward thinking? WTF?!

- Five minutes into the album: ‘The Game Of Love’ Don't the robots know computerized voices now actually sound more human?  Just ask AT&T voice labs. The vocodor is old hat. Invent something new.

- After 10 minutes: zzzzz ‘Giorgio By Moroder’ Do we really need a ten minute long narrative from Giorgio Moroder? Is this for fucking real? If I want an old man narrating his lifestory over an electro track, I'll listen instead to Puff Diddy and DJ Hell.

- After 30 minutes: I wake up to the most complex song of the entire album, ‘Touch.’ The only thing I was wanting to touch was the power off button on my Mac. This is the core of the album? Yikes! I could only imagine the confusion I feel right now is how it must have felt like to be drunk and drugged and passed out on top of some drag queen inside Studio 54. Gwad such a nasty hot mess.

- After 40 minutes ‘Get Lucky,’ the second biggest cocktease ever to exist (Megan Fox is still #1). Yeah, I liked it the first 3 times I played it. Yeah, I cracked a smile. Simple, nothing complicated about it, easy to chew, but feels like nothing more than a filler. Pharrell dilutes this catastrophe further.

- After the 48 minute mark and beyond: Everyone's going out of their fucking minds on this? Give me a break!

Final thoughts:

Let me put it into perspective for you. If this was anyone except Daft Punk or a random EDM artist showing up on Dim Mak (yes if you want random whatever electro dudes who make tracks in their bedroom, this label is for you), no one would give a shit! Daft Punk should have known better.

shag and brag

This album is boring and weak. You know why Pitchfork gave this an 8.8 in my opinion...because they get exclusive EARLY ACCESS and continue to get EARLY ACCESS to that marketers and label (Columbia) projects. There's a relationship there...you wank me off...I'll wank you off. Yeah, so Kudos Pitchfork for once again taking the trouble to drop your pants and delighting us with lies!

Instead, if you want to be blown away, just go to the source. Load up some of the best music of the 70s, original Giorgio Moroder, Bootsy Collins, Steely Dan, etc. That's where the greatness is and everything else is a mockery and thievery of those past greats.

Oh and P.S.

where's the drop