Review: Will I Am or #thatPOWER or #MYsongsSOUNDlikeSNLskits

4/29/13
1.1ARTIST INFO

That's right. Thank you, Will I Am, for giving us ridiculous hashtags within song titles. You are a real American GENIUS! But wouldn not it be more fitting, Sir, if you went for some hashtags like #MYsongsSOUNDlikeSNLskits or #DumbDUMBERDumbest or #Iam40YEARSoldANDsuck or #Will.IAmCRINGEWORTHY.

Here's the truth. I almost gave this album a 9.5. That is assuming (wait for it...) you put this album in the COMEDY section. And really, I say this truthfully: there is a VERY THIN line between a Will.I.Am song and, for instance, an SNL skit that Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg would do together with their "dick in a box."  Which reminds me...in short, this album sucks BIG donkey dicks!

Let's go for the low points first since it's so MUCH fun! And if you hate this album as much as I do, tell me below in the comments. Or if you JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH of Will.I.Am, let me hear your lame perspective (though I will have to assume your IQ is less than 80).  p.s. divide that number by 2 and Will.I.Am's age is still older. Zing! Let's cringe through the songs....

"Good Morning" - Already off to bad start from beat 1. Willy, you might as well just start the album by saying I CAN NOT MAKE ORIGINAL MUSIC AT ALL. Because that's what you did by kicking the album off ripping off (and it appears not giving credit to) the sample. Not a bad pop song here, but it just feels GROSS when a douchebag like Will.I.Am raids the indie bins. (For the life of me I can't remember who the original sample is... someone like Washed Out, Purity Ring or XXYYZZ chill out. Help me out, please, below in the comments if you know the sample.)

"Hello" - Will.I.Am. wants to ROCKIN WIT U. NO THANKS, HONEY! 

"Gettin Dumb" - SUCCESS!  Finally the centerpiece of this DUMB album. Gettin Dumb indeed. Will.I.Am is the crown champion of dumb and he brings the dumb goods on this epic masterpiece of all dumbness. But what do you expect from people who give themselves names like apl.de.ap, 2NE1, and will.i.am. 

p.s. After you heard that one, check out the latest (fake) will.i.am hit: "Dum Is Fun:"

"Geekin" - OMG No you didn't?! But of course...Yes You Did. The lyrics: "Get my Geek on / Get my Get my Geek On" (repeat til you are sick). It's a cringeworthy hip hop travesty about how will.i.am's technology is so flossin! "I roll with Gangsta Geeks /  We write code like Dr. Dre Be Making Beats." Ewwwwww. That's just gross.

"Freshy" - This is ANOTHER Comedy Classic! I LOVE this because it really sounds like the vocal is, "This here...Fresh Shit."  Ahh...ladies and gentlemen...the truth at LAST! My favorite lyric: "Hot Wheels. Be Hot." I am truly blown away by this lyrical poetry and flow and philosophical insight. "May What? May Bach." "Bu What? Bu Gatti!" "Masa Who? Masarati!" YAY!!! "This here...Fresh Shit." Truer never words have never been spoken because these lyrical dumps only came out of a bunghole just the other week. 

Also, just so everyone knows, I'm not making these lyrics up! 

Oh BTW, let me take a break here in my assault and / or add to it. Will talks about his platinum plaques on "Freshy." Just for the record, Will, the last Black Eyed Peas album never went platinum in the U.S. (sold 800,000 only). I thought I would remind you of that. Ok, let's continue. 

"Ghetto Ghetto" - will.i.am, you should be ashamed of yourself to put out this song. Talking about the Ghetto? It feels very pandering that you're taking a sensitive pause here. "Where We Live We Have Nothing / In The Ghetto / Ghetto / Ghetto." Will, don't you know the saying, "Ain't Nobody Like To Hear a Rich Boy Sing About the Blues." I know you're not saying YOU are in the ghetto. But just reflecting that OTHER people are in the ghetto. WTF? This just comes off fake and manipulated. Where is Gandalf? YOU SHALL NOT PASS! You know who got it right when making this type of song: Prince "Sign O' The Times." Check at 3:25 will singing about the Ghetto in his falsetto. On the other hand, I should in fairness point out that will is quite active in philanthropy so I have to give him credit there. http://www.looktothestars.org/celebrity/will-i-am It's just that this song comes off as insincere. 

What's next? Look, I'm tired. I just can't take it anymore! This album is so dumb it's like going binge drinking. It might be fun and some laughs, but in the morning you're going to be sick and end up with a million less brain cells. So I must stop.

Which reminds me... will.i.am - PLEASE STOP yourself. Go out on a high note of your career. What kind of high note, you asked? Surely there are so many that have come before you, like...hmm, that amazing song that changed everyone's life...uh..."My Humps"...no it wasn't that...hmmm...what was the high note of your career? That song will continue to be cherished and loved by generations to come. God, it's on the tip of my tongue. No matter, Will, I am sure you will come up with some app to figure it out and maybe no one can buy that (just like this new album).

But credit must be placed where credit is due. There are a few high points of this album. Basically the hits like: "Scream & Shout," though the dumbest song ever written of 2012, I finally gave into enjoying after a relentless radio assault. And now it's a guilty pleasure (kill me now...please).

"This Is Love" - OK. Pop hit here. Can't complain about that.

"thatPOWER" - Yo, Will...I refuse to put a fucking hashtag in that title like you want me to. The funny thing is he probably didn't think these hashtags would be used to spread this trashy review of this sucky album around the TwitterSphere.  

As far as taste.  You should know that Will's awesome taste doesn't extend just to music creation. It extends to choice automobiles! This is what will.i.am thinks is a good looking car. (Yes he designed it.) Oh, and we wrote a little piece on that here by the way. http://www.bitcandy.com/plogs/plogDedicated/music/missing-will-i-ams-delorean

i am auto

Will, thanks for the 18... yes, EIGHTEEN songs on this album! And at least eight songs on here I have to admit, you are a GENIUS. PURE COMEDY GENIUS.

If you agree that will.i.am should JUST STOP, please "Like" this as a way to "sign" the petition. Let's see how many people we can get to sign off on that. (And yes, that's just another way for me asking for you to "like" the page).

Album: