Hey there, lovely people. This week, we’re keeping it short and sweet because my 4th of July hangover is lasting longer than expected, and there is a very, VERY pressing Instagram post we need to get into. Shall we?




Was gonna wait a while to say anything but word travels fast, listen plain and simple Hailey I am soooo in love with everything about you! So committed to spending my life getting to know every single part of you loving you patiently and kindLY. I promise to lead our family with honor and integrity letting Jesus through his Holy Spirit guide us in everything we do and every decision we make. My heart is COMPLETELY and FULLY YOURS and I will ALWAYS put you first! You are the love of my life Hailey Baldwin and I wouldn’t want to spend it with anybody else. You make me so much better and we compliment eachother so well!! Can’t wait for the best season of life yet!. It’s funny because now with you everything seems to make sense! The thing I am most excited for is that my little brother and sister get to see another healthy stable marriage and look for the same!!! Gods timing really is literally perfect, we got engaged on the seventh day of the seventh month, the number seven is the number of spiritual perfection, it’s true GOOGLE IT! Isn’t that nuts? By the way I didn’t plan that, anyways My goodness does feel good to have our future secured! WERE GONNA BE BETTER AT 70 BABY HERE WE GO! “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains FAVOR from the Lord!” This is the year of favor!!!!

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on Jul 9, 2018 at 3:14pm PDT

*presses hands together and takes a deep breath*

So this happened…

Look, I’m not going to say not-nice things! This is great news for my little Biebs, who I have seen grow from annoying punk to Bro Who Makes Some Sweet Music (thanks, Jack U!). Am I surprised? A little. Am I disappointed? You’d be lying if you told me you didn’t grow up being a Jelena Stan. But so long as Hailey Baldwin keeps Justin from growing out that mustache again, I give this power couple my irrelevant blessing. Much love and god speed.




Gods Plant...

A post shared by champagnepapi (@champagnepapi) on Jul 8, 2018 at 5:01pm PDT

Yeah, DJ Khaled might be Douche of the Week for canceling his performance at Wireless Festival in London, but look who stepped up to save the day? And honestly? Even though Drake’s set lasted six songs, it might have been the better choice after all. Besides, I know that everyone has been studying Scorpion like crazy, memorizing each lyric for the clurb so I’m glad these kids’ hard work paid off.





A post shared by Adam Levine (@adamlevine) on Jul 9, 2018 at 3:14pm PDT

From what I assume is a little backstage shenanigan off of The Voice, is Blake Shelton acting like a total Dad. When he curses, it sounds like a chihuahua trying to exert itself. Then he proceeds to ask the most Dad question of all: “Is that one of those gif things?” Come on, Blake. It’s pronounced




typical @disney photo @holdansutton

A post shared by NC (@noahcyrus) on Jul 7, 2018 at 11:29pm PDT

Noah Cyrus has been busy it seems, having just announced her own headlining tour for the new music she’s releasing soon for us. But the girl can still squeeze some time for the happiest place on Earth. I vote most hipster Disneyland pose ever.



I leave you with Nicki Minaj, whose Instagram has been on FIRE lately with behind the scenes shots, sneak peaks at her new music, and BRAND new tour dates with her co-headlining stunt with my one Lord and Only, Future (anyone cop tickets for me for this yet, by the way?). If Nicki’s album is as good as the hype train leading up to it, she might have the best 2018 out of all of us.

See ya next time, kids!