[Exclusive Set Photo]

While really, truly making it in the music industry today is something that only a select few seem to be able accomplish, it doesn’t appear to be enough for these superstars any longer. Sure, artists can have more hit singles than The Beatles or Elvis, but without a Hollywood crossover it’s like -- have they even made it yet? Would we even know who The Beatles were if they hadn’t made “Help,” “Hard Day’s Night,” “Magical Mystery Tour” or “Yellow Submarine?” Or would the world simply refer to them as the band that made Charles Manson kill all those people? Did Elvis’s forty top ten singles come from his raw musical talent or the fact that he starred in over thirty movies? Would the whole country be talking about the Rock as a potential presidential candidate if he hadn’t gone from wrestling men on the small screen to wrestling monsters on the big one? We’ll never know!!!

We here at We Are: The Guard have received the exclusive scoop that Marshmello, America’s #1 EDM costumed DJ, will be joining the ranks of Lady Gaga, The Beatles, and Elvis, in making the leap from mainstages to mainscreens. Marshmello, in the least surprising casting news of the century, will be playing the son of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in the new 2019 Ghostbusters movie from Columbia Pictures. While details are tight on the film right now, the cast from 2016 reboot will apparently not be returning for this reboot, citing creative differences over this specific casting. “Who the #!@% is Marshmello?” said Dan Aykroyd when reached out for comment.

The studio has leaked that the plot will focus largely on the Stay-Puft household, where the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man plays a small town monster, who doesn't approve of his son pursuing the art of DJing. It sounds a lot like the plot of Footloose, except with marsh-men taking on the EDM world. Assuredly, by the end of the movie, Stay-Puft will be a bona-fide member of the Mello gang. This reporter can only imagine that the final set piece will take place on the Las Vegas strip and include a lot of family-friendly mainstage trap music.

This is the single greatest music casting news since David Bowie was announced to play “The Goblin King” in Jim Henson’s Labyrinth. If Marshmello doesn’t win the academy award for Best Lead Actor, Best Original Song, and Best Costume Design consider it the greatest snub this side of the 22nd century.

Hundreds of thousands of kids know and love Marshmello, but do they love Ghostbusters? What about their parents? Is this the kind of film parents will take their children to and bond over the widening generation gap? Will this turn a whole slew of raving nineteen year olds on to a film franchise that hit its prime well before they were even born? Will the film have an exclusively Marshmello soundtrack? These answers coming soon to a theatre near you.


Did I do this right? Jajajaja #lachona #lachonachallenge

A post shared by marshmello (@marshmellomusic) on Jul 26, 2018 at 5:18pm PDT




From deep within the murky depths of the Los Angeles River emerged a creature: 50% raver, 50% comedian, 10% Robotcop. Kurt Kroeber doesn’t own a dog, operates Soundbleed (the world’s only dance party comedy talk show rave), and is down to party with you. Come up some time and say “Hey dude!” But definitely make sure to casually drop the secret Illuminati password.