P-Fork Posers: Six Hyped Fail Tracks
by Jess Grant
7/13/12
Below, you will find six new tracks that Pitchfork think are “expansive,” “idiosyncratic,” “gripping,” “dizzying”... among other fucking ridiculous adjectives. Truth is, their picks often are pretty crappy. But nobody on the blogosphere had the balls to tell you that. Well apart from LA Music Blog, BitCandy. So let the bitching commence............now.
Blur "Under the Westway"
Here is Blur circa 2012 doing their best impression of Blur circa 1999. Seriously, someone tell Damon Albarn to get back to the 90s, or his monkey opera, or whatever...
Azealia Banks "Nathan" [ft. Styles P]
Wanted: A decent fucking hook. Reward: Our diminishing sanity. 2nd Reward: A manager that sticks with Azealia for more than 1 month (on manager #4 now).
Dinosaur Jr "Watch the Corners"
Oh look, here is another band in need of banishing back to the 90s, Dinosaur Jr!
Lykke Li "Silver Springs" [Fleetwood Mac cover]
Scandinavian Stevie Nicks tribute act for hire. Does birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Very cheap rates. Call if interested.
Nas "Loco-Motive" [ft. Large Professor]
Another week, another shitty Nas track!
Big Nils "Looking Through My Eyeballs"
Once upon a time, Thurston Moore put his peepee in Kim Gordon's veevee. This act resulted in Coco Hayley Gordon Moore. And here is Coco's new band, Big Nils. Look, I know thousands of spotty teens around the country are making shitty music like this in their spider infested garages. But, uh hello, Coco's a by-product of Sonic Youth, so according to Pitchfork, she is instantly deserving of more coverage/cool points than any of those losers!
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Tune into LA Music Blog, BitCandy next week for more hype fails, courtesy of our friends over at Pitchfork. Btw, did you hear they gave Frank Ocean's Channel Orange the holy grail 9.5 today? PREDICTABLE.COM!
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