P-Fork Posers: Five Hyped Fail Tracks


Below, you will find five new tracks that have been flagged by Chicago cool-kids, Pitchfork, as this week's “must listens.” But doesBitCandy agree? Uh, no! Truth is, these are five hyped fails that you will forget about in a few weeks time. Case in point -- remember Titus Andronicus, Cymbals Eat Guitars, or that other 8.6 scoring band from 2009?  Oh wait...did you listen to Death Grips in the last 14 days...I thoughts so.


Jens Lekman "Erica America"

In “Erica America,” the “crooning romantic” Jens Lekman is apparently “picking over the corpse of a relationship.” In other words, he's fucking moaning again.


Grizzly Bear “Sleeping Ute”

GET YOUR INDIE BADGE OF COOL HIPSTERDOM HERE.  MUST---HEAR----NEW----GRIZZLY---BEAR.  Here is another one of those life-affirming tracks from Grizzly Panda Neon Bear. According to Pitchfork, guitarist Daniel Rossen's playing “remains one of the most distinctive six-string styles in modern indie.” Well, sorry to burst your bubble, P4K, but guitars have actually sounded like this since David Gilmour grew pubes.


Four Tet “128 Harps”

“Chameleonic interpreter of genres,” Four Tet, has succeeded in writing a song that sounds more dumb than the tunes my baby brother makes on a Fisher Price keyboard. And I don't even have a baby brother. But who cares, this is Four fucking Tet, y'all, so we will label it a “Best New Track” anyways.


Ariel Pink “Baby”

The “painfully protracted, recklessly impulsive” Ariel Pink has just released this so uncool it's ironically cool cover of Joe and Donnie Emerson’s "Baby." This apparent "artistic challenge" can be streamed... and then forgotten about... below.  Let's be honest...Ariel Pink except in some excellent moments of brilliance...is pretty fucking horrible.  


Fiona Apple “Werewolf”

Here is a “playful and chilling” song, full of “volcanic emotion,” that Fiona Apple took seven years to write. And it was TOTALLY worth the wait... right? Right?


Oh, Pitchfork, Pitchfork, Pitchfork... Where would the blogosphere be without your intellectual bullying and utterly biased music tastes...<3.


Do you agree - are these five fat posers?

Is Pitchfork trying to make you eat poop?

Wait... are you even awake... or did Four Tet send you to sleep ages ago?


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