Posers: Five Hyped Fail Tracks
by Jess Grant
8/1/12
LA Music Blog BitCandy are back to pop the hype balloon, tied to these posers by a select few websites (who shall remain nameless... for now). You see, if we was like 'them,' we would be telling you the following five tracks are “MUST HEARS.” But good news... we are not like 'them'! Instead, we tell you the TRUTH. Even if the truth hurts, bro! So stand back, as hype destruction officially commences in three...two...one...
Tame Impala “Elephant”
So I just travelled back to 1972 and I found this shitty T. Rex tribute called Tame Impala! What's that? I was in 2012 all along? Fuck! (Someone set Mike Patton on these 70s crapbags!)
David Lynch ft. Karen O "Pinky's Dream (Visionquest Velvet Curtain Remix)"
As if the original wasn't bad enough... Please save us from these gross remixes and get back behind the lens, Lynch.
Unchained "Anlehnung"
Just... wow. I wonder how much Unchained paid Pitchfork to hype this? I mean, just look at that Soundcloud soundwave! It is, literally, one prolonged piece of craptastic noise!
Sweet Valley "Malibu Games"
OMG grab a cat, a gram of weed and a Bethany Cosentino lookalike, as Wavves is back with a super-cool instrumental side-project called Sweet Valley! Check out their first track, “Malibu Games!” It makes me wanna head to California, sunbath, take a surf... and then DROWN so I never have to hear from this band again.
A$AP Mob "Bath Salt"
Oh... shit. If he wasn't unbearable enough on his own, A$AP Rocky has only gone and formed some crew, sorry, “mob.” It's only a matter of time before they have an Adult Swim show / one comes out as gay on Tumblr / another starts dating Rumer Willis / whatever.
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That's a wrap on LA Music Blog BitCandy's Posers! Tune in next week for more hype failz from the internet dot com. But until then, remember...
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