We Are The Guard Investigates: Who Bit Beyonce
Whatever happens around the presence of your highness queen Beyonce stays in her presence, unless of course you break free from her spell and tear a page off of Mike Tyson’s book and go full on cray cray. According to Tiffany Haddish, some bold daring A or B List celeb (speculation) who obviously doesn't value her life straight up sunk her pearly chompers onto Beyonce’s face during a party. Usually news of woman bites woman doesn’t make it past page six, but this is Baaaayyyyyoonnnccceee we talkin about! But no word on who did this. Why? Why would Beyonce and Jay-Z want to keep this on the DL? Where were the cameras? Where’s that backstabbing friend who can’t keep a secret when you need them? Since there’s all sorts of shadiness going on and more questions than there are answers we turn to the people on Twitter to help us get to the bottom of the most important who done it of our time. Who Bit Beyonce?
— black madonna Ⓥ (@salmahashi) March 26, 2018
Here are the basics, take notes ...
What I've gathered from #whobitbeyonce...
-this person spends constant time with Beyoncé's clique since "she not like that all the time"
-she was close enough to Beyoncé to not get kicked out
-she was someone Tiffany thought she could take on
-she is someone unexpected to do this
— Mone' Lisa (@bluexradiance) March 26, 2018
It’s kind of too early to jump to conclusions but Twitter seems to have a pretty good idea on who it might be:
#WhoBitBeyonce (cue SVU theme song)... In case you're wondering, twitter has narrowed it down to Queen Latifah, Sanaa Lathan and Sara Foster. Mystery solved.
— Fawn Conley (@fantaseeblu) March 26, 2018
— 20Something & Living (@20SNL_) March 26, 2018
Ok So it is Not
1, Jennifer Lawrence (she was in NY)
2, Amy Schumer (doing broadway)
3, Lenna Dunham (Not at the party)
4, Taraji (tiffany said no)
5, Christine Teigen
6, Sanaa Lathan (said she didn't)
7, Sara Foster (said she didn't)
— pysch (@BrutonGus) March 27, 2018
Who ever the culprit is, they better take cover and lay low for a while because the Beyhive is out to get them.
— MaxL (@NursMax) March 27, 2018
— Margaret Haywood (@NsyncKitten) March 26, 2018
All this investigating is leading us nowhere. The real question here is … who the heck is Becky with the good hair? If we can answer that, then and only then will we know who bit Beyonce. All in due time.
Beca Arredondo is easily unamused with all things not related to her interests. On her good days you can catch her avoiding the California sun and glued to her Mac plotting the next big thing. If you happen to run into her on the street and notice her wearing headphones do NOT disturb her. She is not responsible for any possible damage. Aside from the above she's very sweet and perky and responds well to good music and food.